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Creating An Extraordinary Relationship with Marc and Michelle Landau
I saw a good friend of mine named Tony Boudia. He posted a beautiful picture sitting in his kitchen that says, “I can, I shall, I will.” That same kitchen is where his wife found him on the floor almost dead from a stroke.
If you haven’t heard Tony’s full story, go check out that episode of the show. His story is so inspiring and it infers to the power of a mindset and a mantra to carry you back to health.
It’s already being shared. It’s been gone viral. He’s somebody who inspired me to get off my ass and to create this.
How does it feel, Sean, to have someone out there who’s walking because of a video you made and a mantra you shared?
I can’t even tell you, Taylor. It’s beyond words. It’s priceless. It’s bringing everything that I’ve done in my journey to a place of peace and happiness. You’ve seen a change in me because I started the work. I’ve done the course with Brett Jones and his wife. He was so instrumental in doing this. My oldest friend, Marc Landau and his wife, Michelle are coming on the show. They’re my troopers. They’re my mentors and we walked into a course.
It’s called the Relationship Warrior Code course. It’s meant for people who are in a relationship.
I went alone. My girlfriend broke up with me days before I walked into the course with a sweatshirt on and a hoodie over my head and not wanting to be there. It was the best experience I’ve been through in my life. It’s something I needed.
The shift that I saw in Sean from going to a course for three days was the most significant shift I’ve seen in his personality and the way he is showing up in the world since I’ve known him. It’s not to say you haven’t been making progress, you have been making progress all along the way. This three-day course seemed the fast track to unlock the doors inside of whatever’s going on over there.
I can sum it up. It opened up all my potential. It opened up the divine side of me and the light because I was so caught up in the dark. I am being feared base and being insecure and not knowing what to do next. Even though I cut out in the show here with you and I do my own show, 5 Minutes with Seany, what people don’t realize is, I’m going through some serious trauma every day. It’s a relationship with myself, relationship with my kids, relationship with my dad and the team of Adventures in Health. I choose to show up. I choose to be in the moment and that’s what’s cool.
If you had to sum up what you got from the course, what would you say was the main takeaway from doing this course?
I was able to focus on me in a way. It’s an intimate setting. I got to be around the people. Everyone says, “I’m going to go do this.” That’s great. You can go into meditation retreat for four days or six days and find peace and find the solitude. What if I told you, you get a playbook for your life? You get a playbook for your life to find love, to find happiness and to find success. Whether that success is financial or having a relationship back with your kids, your family, your wife, your husband or relationship with yourself. Marc and Michelle talked about a powerhouse, talked about a force to be reckoned with. I love Marc. We’re brothers from a different mother. Michelle goes out on tour with the Backstreet Boys and dances all over the world in front of hundreds of thousands of people. Then one day wake up and now she’s a mom and she’s a wife.
She’s beautiful inside and out, but I was afraid of her. I was scared of her because of the way she looked at me. She looked into my soul and I was like, “She’s going to look into my soul. I’ve got to figure out what I’m doing now.” When I met the leaders, Brett and Marie, it just all made sense. I was in the car with them. We’re driving to the course. I started to laugh at myself on how I was being since I had my stroke. My stroke was not from a choke, but with self-induced from my own struggles and my own stress. I’ve never said that to anybody. Marc and Michelle are the two people who helped me to find that. I self-induced this thing and now I’m having to realize it’s a blessing.
What would you say the blessing was?
To find you, to find peace, to be able to be a message, to be able to share with people, to find compassion, to find the humbleness in me and to find love. I was never this way before my stroke. I was going 180 miles an hour every moment. Marc said to me, “Why don’t you slow down to 55? You’ll get more dime in the corner at half that speed.” That’s what I’m doing now. I don’t need to go 120 all the time. I don’t need to redline my engine. When I redline my engine at 39, I blew my brain out of my head. Now, I realize it because of them and because of what the code has taught me. We’re going to show everything.
Brett and Marie are coming to LA. If your relationship with either your significant other or yourself or your kids, if you want them to live a happier and successful life, this is the type of work that is worth investing.
I’m an entrepreneur for several years. I love entrepreneurship and the key thing that got me is that Brett Jones built a $400 million company and he lost it all. He rebuilt everything more successful and better for himself and his family, children and wife. They speak to thousands of people. They have their own podcast. Marc and Michelle are about to take over the course now and lead it in the United States. I’m going to be there cheering them on because of what Marc has done from meditation to becoming a Buddha, to becoming a father and marrying Michelle. These people are the one you should check out, listen to, follow and fall in love with them as I have.
They’re the type of people who will admit that their relationship was in trouble. They decided to commit towards doing work to rebuild their relationship essentially from the ground up so that they can be showing up more for each other and more for their kids. Marc said that his income has been skyrocketing since doing this work and doing this course because he was given a new perspective. Let’s go hang out with Marc and Michelle.
We’ve got Marc Landau who was on the show before and his lovely wife, Michelle. We’ve got Seany, the Stroke Hacker. We’re diving in first with Michelle, but then to what Michelle and Marc are creating together since they are married. We’re going to get into relationships, but we want to start with a little bit of background on who Michelle is because our audience hasn’t met you yet.
I left high school early. People who know me would be shocked. My parents got divorced and it negatively affected me and I threw myself fully into dance. It was my outlet to deal with the insufficiencies in the home and that led me to be dancing professionally. I lived here in Los Angeles. It’s not hard to do. I auditioned and did the Dance Life for a few years and ended up working for a lot of successful artists and singers like Celine Dion, Prince, No Doubt. The biggest was the Backstreet Boys who released an album and are nominated for Grammy after many years. I did the Black & Blue world tour with them, which was a year and a half out on the road. I was nineteen. We were doing 60,000-seat stadiums every night around the world. I got a plaque at the end of the tour that said something like, “2.1 million in total attendance of our shows.” We were traveling and I got to stay in all the Four Seasons and the Ritz-Carlton’s and live this awesome life and then one day, it ended.
Did it end suddenly or did it end by your own volition?
No, the tour ended.
You didn’t get back on tour with them?
No, because that album was finishing. They were going to go back in the studio and record a new album and stuff. It hit me hard. I thank God for dance because while all my friends were doing ecstasy and cocaine every weekend, I had that outlet. The dance took me through a lot of tough times. When the tour ended, it was like, “What do I do now?” I went from making $12,000 a month and touring around the world doing what I love to nothing. I did some shows and videos and stuff after that, but when you hit a certain point, it’s hard to do the simple jobs again. You want it to either maintain or grow. It was a tough time.
I had an eating disorder during that time. I wasn’t dealing with the divorce and stuff like that and I had a bad relationship on the road and I was so young. I didn’t know how to cope. I didn’t have the skills to cope, which I later see the code intertwines with that and how it answers that. I got to do the work. I got to look at what’s next for me. I got to take some personal development seminars and get in there and figure out who am I. What do I want? What’s something bigger and brighter future than dancing? I was like, “How do you reach a pinnacle so early in life? What do you do after that?” Unless you create a game that’s bigger than that after.
I went back to finish college. That was something that was always incomplete for me because I never got to finish. Every time I would get a job, my teachers would say, “No. Either you finish the class and you take the final year or you get a withdrawal.” I had to go back and clean up all my grades and finished college. Not having done that, it was a ball and chain a little bit. It was something that was incomplete that I was carrying with me. I had to stop dancing because it was like, “Either I dance or I finish school.” I ended up graduating magna cum laude.Take a minute to stop because it’s so rare that we take a minute to stop and look at what we want. Click To Tweet
You chose that over Prince and Gwen Stefani. That’s awesome.
Prince was a music video. With Gwen Stefani, we did some award show so it wasn’t always like tours. Landmark Forum was the first self-development seminar I did. I saw a lot about my default way of living was that I wasn’t enough.
Can you give everyone a quick tour on what the Landmark Forum is? I know all three of you have been there, but I have no idea.
It’s an awesome boot camp, a three-day seminar where you get to take a step out of your life and look at what’s working, what’s not working, what’s not working as well as you’d like it to and go to work. Take a minute to stop because it’s so rarely do we take a minute to stop and look at what we want. From where you are right now, what do you want? Not from when you were a kid or these lost dreams of our childhood, but right now from where you are. Taking a step out and say, “What do I want? Is that a big enough future to wake me up alive every day and drive me? The Landmark Forum is powerful in any area of life. I got so much healing around self-love, my sense of worth and my relationships with my parents. It impacts every area.
In that first experience with Landmark Forum, what is it that you decided that you wanted?
One thing that I discovered was I’m good at starting things, but I don’t finish them. I walked into the Landmark Forum wanting to have a breakthrough in my career. What I saw is, I couldn’t even start another thing because I had so many things that were left incomplete. I didn’t even believe in myself to start anything. What I got at the Landmark Forum was to finish everything. Out of finishing everything like college and all that, I got so much power because I completed things. Another thing is I had to be completely unreasonable to do it and go back and redo classes and clean up my grades and graduate magna cum laude. It was a big deal.
It gave me so much power because I did something that no one could ever take away from me and I finished it. I decided, “If I’m going back to college, I’m going to juice it for everything that it is.” I wanted to work at a record label and a TV show. I want to work for Oprah, but Oprah is in Chicago so I worked for Dr. Phil. I interned for Dr. Phil and Capitol Records. I got hired at Capitol Records in marketing and that’s when we still had record stores. We could go to a store and listen to a CD. Even in CD stores, you could go to the top twenty songs. You could sit there with the headphones on and listen to the album and see if you like it and then jumped to two and three and four. We miss out on those experiences now.
You don’t get a whole album of good music like you used to. You get one hit song and twelve pieces of junk to fill the album because nobody is buying them anymore.
I did a desk job. When I was a kid, I always wanted to have a dance studio. That was my be-all end-all dream. I would wake up at night with visions of what the studio looks like and what uniforms the kids wear. I was about getting the noise of what kids wear because it’s competitive. They have nicer shoes and nicer clothes and I wanted that out of the space. I opened the Los Angeles Dance Academy, which was in Hollywood. Dancing with the Stars was filmed there for a few years and it was great.
How did you meet Marc?
He was working at Landmark when I did it. He was married and we have a ten-year age difference. I was like 24 and he was 34. For me, he was a grandpa. I would never marry him. Thirty-four is a whole different ballgame.
As you get older, the age difference matters less and less.
We were just friends. I danced with his brother. I kept on participating and ten years later, we ran into each other at the center. We were both training to lead courses and said, “Do you want to study together and work on our training manual?” We did and it was the first date and I was like, “This guy is mine.” He didn’t know it at the time. It wasn’t even a date. We went to eat.
He made me split it. It was $32 or something. He was super broke. This is such a Relationship Warrior code term, but I figured he has got potential. He has great potential. I can work with him. I felt like he was home. Have you ever had that feeling where it just feels like home?
Let’s hear the other side of that. Marc, what was this experience for you to be study buddies at first and then you went out to a meal?Although your partner may not know the right way to do certain things, your partner wants to please. Click To Tweet
I remember that meal very well. I remember coming downstairs and walking down my walkway and there she was. She was wearing this cool long sweater jacket. I was like, “She looks good.” I had a very similar feeling. It felt like home. We knew each other for a long time. Years passed, we both have been involved with transformational work. We had a very deep profound connection and we were up to a very similar thing. We wanted to help people and that was common for us and we both love the work of transformation however that looks like.
Explain that to us. What did that word mean?
It takes something to stop the grind of life and to go inside and go, “Who am I?” It’s to question reality, to look at your patterns, to look at how your past is shaping you now and the work that it takes to create a future that is free from that. That takes something. It takes telling the truth, which is hard to do at times. Calling yourself out on your humanity, your ego and to let go of the past. A lot of times we’re addicted to hanging onto it. Any kind of transformational work, in my opinion, is looking at ego versus your divine nature. You’ve got to look at the ego and accept the ego and love the ego. Accept that your ego only wants to destroy life.
Another way that I see ego is the small self and then the big self of who you know you are. For some reason, you keep sabotaging those big aspirations and dreams because it’s more comfortable to listen. You want to be fit. You just have to get up at a certain time and do what you need to do. You know it’s not hard. Eating right and exercising is not hard. For some reason, as a human being, it’s like, “Not now. I’m tired. I didn’t sleep well. The kids kept me up all night.” We don’t do what we need to do. What’s on the other side of that is this whole world of what’s possible.
Extraordinary lives. Being ordinary than being extraordinary.
We both wanted that.
Do you still have the dance studio?
I sold the dance studio because something bigger was calling me. It wasn’t enough. I wanted to make a difference in people’s quality of living, not just dance. I thank God I had danced as a child because it’s our outlet. It’s how we breathe. It’s how I breathe. I’m all about that whether it’s dance or soccer or music or any hobby. It’s crucial for children. I got to a certain point where I was like, “I’m done. I want something bigger.” That was my childhood dream and here I was I’m like, “From being 26 or 27, what can I dream now?” I had my own company at that time. I had a fashion overstock distribution company with Gilt, Rue La La, HauteLook and all these websites. I was supplying overstock merchandise from brands to sell with Desiree. She was my business partner. She’s powerful. We were running that business. We would sell preowned Rolex to Gilt and they still feature them. Desiree runs the company now then I met Marc.
From the first date, where do we go next?
We knew we wanted to be together, although I had my own relationship horrors that I had passed and healed. Honestly, I had to do a lot of cleansing in my mind and thank God I did that. Michelle shows up for me as someone who’s very pure. My mind was not pure and I had to do some purification, which I did do through my Buddhist work. I did a twelve-step program. I did all that work and thank God because I was able to attract a woman like Michelle, as pure as she is to me. I remember she was coming on stronger and I was in a twelve-step program at the time and I was not supposed to be dating. I was trying to listen to my sponsor. She was in Costa Rica and she sent me these little lovey texts like, “Hey boo.” Those little love language. I thought at the time I was having this breakthrough, I’m like, “I love it. It makes me feel good when you talk like that, but you’re going to have to ease off because I’m taking this slowly. I’ve had some bad relationships in the past.” I had never had a problem telling her everything, but I was very honest and said, “We need to take this slow because I don’t want this to end up in any way other than it working.”
I was like, “What did this guy say? Did he just tell me that I need to back off? I don’t know who he thinks he is.”
Normally, I’d be texting all through her trip in Costa Rica, but I have this breakthrough and I said, “Go enjoy your time in Costa Rica and text me when you’re back.” It killed me to even say that. For me, I was taking care of myself and not working it. To be honest, sex was a priority for me and I didn’t want it to be about that. I didn’t have the confidence that I was going to be able to put that aside. It was all to get laid. I’m trying to get her to fall in love with me and that was all not pure for me yet. Although I had done a lot of work by that time, which I was healthy enough to say, “Let’s take this slow and let’s create a great beautiful friendship.” Shortly thereafter, we went on a few dates and I got to this place where I told my sponsor and I’m like, “I’m going to date this person and I’m okay.” I got that I was okay and that this relationship was a product of the work that I had done and it was healthy. This is the woman that I could see spending the rest of my life with. There was no way that I was going to pass that up. It didn’t seem right.
I locked him down.
What did your sponsor say at that moment when you told him all this?
He was like, “Be careful. We’re powerless against the addiction.” I’m a full believer of the twelve-step programs and at that time, I understood my addiction enough that this was not that.
We didn’t kiss for five weeks. We had our first kiss after five weeks. I don’t even know when we were intimate with that.Any kind of transformational work, in my opinion, is looking at ego versus your divine nature. Click To Tweet
We have two kids so there’s been some intimacy. We have proof.
Let’s go to the engagement story.
I was in a leadership course at Landmark at the time. It was a year-long course. They call it the MBA of Landmark. It’s a lot about leadership and teamwork and empowering teams and stuff like that. I said, “At the end of this year, I want to find the one. I want to get married and start a family.” We were dating and I met him in the first quarter of that course while I was assisting at Landmark. That was part of the deal of that course. I met him as I was volunteering in the center. A week before the course ended, he knew that that’s what I wanted out of the course that I was taking so he planned everything. He proposed a week before that course ended. It fulfilled what I wanted. He had me kidnapped from work and from my friends. I was blindfolded and driven to my cousin’s house by my boss. The boss kidnapped me.
I worked at Redondo Beach and he said, “We have a meeting in the Valley on Friday at 5:00.” Who does that to an employee? It was a new job so I was like, “I’ll do it. It’s a good opportunity. I need to learn.” I drive all the way to the Valley. I sit down at the Starbucks and somebody comes around and wraps my eyes with a blindfold and puts me in a car with four other friends. They’re all blindfolded too. They’re all my friends from my course that I was participating in. I was like, “I wonder if other course mates are pranking us or playing a joke on us because we’re all blindfolded.” They were all in on it and they were saying, “Where am I? I can’t see anything. Where do you think they’re taking us?”
They take us to my cousin’s house. I introduced my best friend to my cousin and they ended up getting married so Marc had a vision of proposing to me on their front lawn to bring the circle. It was such a sacred place because I introduced them. He had 60 chairs in a circle and a one spinning office chair in the middle. They took me out of the car and they sent me blindfolded and it was so quiet. I couldn’t hear a pin drop. They sat me in this office chair and then some song came on. They blindfolded me and then someone behind me starts turning the chair so I could see all the 60 people that he invited. It was all my friends and family who are sitting in a circle around me in this chair. I was confused.
Once I did a full 360 spin, he was standing in front of me. I opened my eyes and I didn’t understand what was happening. I saw all my favorite human beings in the world sitting and staring at me. Miley Cyrus is singing in the background. I’m bawling. I look a mess. We had just moved that week. I couldn’t even find two pairs of matching shoes, let alone makeup or anything. I didn’t even have my glasses on. Somebody had to give me their glasses. He came out in a suit with a rose. All my friends and family were there and he got down on one knee and proposed. All my little nephews and nieces were throwing rose petals.
We filmed the whole thing too. I had a GoPro mounted to my chest.
I’m a Russian Jew so my dad, my uncle, my cousins and my mother would have had their way with him. We had this big wedding planned and then I got pregnant. I wasn’t into a big wedding, but we had to scale everything down. I didn’t want the stress of planning a big wedding and had a beautiful small intimate wedding, which is everything that we wanted and we had a baby girl, Ava.
There are a lot of great proposals out there. I was watching on YouTube two or three months before.
He sent everybody an itinerary.
You have one kid then you have another kid. You’re married. You have a house. What happens and what goes on in this relationship? How did you find the next course you take?
Michelle before marriage, many become a wife and then become a mother, those are three distinct people. We have Ava who’s three and Sasha who’s six months. Being married and having kids so easily, it becomes about the kids. It’s all about everything surrounds the kids, especially for a mother. Being mama bear, you just attached to them. We committed to extraordinary lives. We are not interested in ordinary. We want extraordinary. We want to leave this Earth knowing we were fully used up. We gave it our all, we played it full out and somewhere along the line, we got ordinary.
Because you start surviving at work and putting kids to bed and then not sleeping at night and then doing it all over again, it becomes business as usual. We were looking for something to interject. We had done different courses like Marc has done the nineteen days island retreats. He’s not afraid to go there when it comes to doing the work to have an extraordinary life. In this particular dynamic, the work that we had done, we were having a tough time pulling tools from them that impacted what it is to be married and have kids. What does it look like to have an extraordinary life when you have these little monsters running around that don’t listen to anything you say?
It’s easy to be a conscious person when you have no one else connected to you, but when you’re responsible for other human beings and they do not listen. They’re jumping off couches. Ava put a stool near the stove while I was cooking. Thank God I caught her. She knows not to touch the stove, but they don’t think that way. They piss in their diaper. Everything is like, “Do it now.” We stumbled across as an extraordinary couple who was leading courses in Australia. They had only led one course. It’s called the Relationship Warrior Code.
They had led one time in the States and they led five people. We had a friend that we trusted, his name is Roman and he was like, “You’ve got to do this course.” I had my hesitations because I had that mom that was so attached to her kids. I was so afraid of them crying. That was from my own fears of feeling alone in my life. I never wanted my kids to feel alone. That’s some of the work that I also got to confront in the course and the financial stuff, the financial investment and all that. We had a call with Brett about registering into this course and I was like, “How much it costs and stuff?” He said, “It’s cheaper than a divorce.” That’s all he said. I was like, “Where do I sign up?”You will be a better human being to the people in your life if you do something to take care of yourself. Click To Tweet
Everyone knows it’s Brett Jones. Can you do a shout out to the website?
It sounds that Landmark Forum is a lot about the individual and what are you doing for yourself and what do you want. As soon as you are no longer an individual, you’re in a relationship and you have monkeys jumping off of counters on the stove, the whole dynamic changes. You need a completely different paradigm to move into.
They address anything. It addresses whatever it is that is challenging for you at whatever stage you are at life. What I personally felt not addressed was the masculine-feminine dynamic. I was in the masculine in my marriage. I was the driving force. I come from a very matriarchal family and here is this man trying to step up and lead, but I’m the man. I know how to get things done. I know where everything is. I know you know what everybody eats. I know times for everything. I know where our finances are at. A lot of women are like that these days. They’re carrying the emotional burden of it all.
I want to jump over with Marc because I think he has a nice way of describing why this dynamic is taking place and it’s not just a you thing.
Brett unfolds this in the course. When men went to the war in World War I and World War II, they witnessed and experienced war and all that comes with that. They were going into battle and their friend gets their head blown off and other gruesome things that happen in World War I and World War II if they even come back. While they were there, their wives had to step up and work in the factories and take care of the finances. They make guns and they take care of his family and take care of her family and everything. They had to become masculine. When the men came back from the war, they were affected.
All they wanted was peace and they stepped into the role of the feminine. Then come 1960s which was all about women’s liberation. That set that in place also. Something in that time period altered our culture where in relationships women were masculine and men were feminine. It unfolded and started to roll down through the generations. When I did this course, it became very apparent that I knew nothing about being masculine. My dad never taught me. It’s masculine not from pound your chest macho point of view. Masculine distinguished in this course is very different from that. You have to experience it. When I experienced what it is to be in the masculine and relate to my wife as feminine, it altered everything.
The course is about creating a kingdom and rising as king and queen. Michelle as a feminine, being in the feminine biologically, women know the state of the kingdom at all times. When something is out in the state of the kingdom, when something is not right, they address it to the king. Although, when she would address it to me, it didn’t show up like that. It showed up like a complaint and a criticism of me. I would react, my feathers would get ruffled and I didn’t know that that was feminine. This thing that happens in the course is he’ll train you to listen to your queen, to your wife, to your woman or to your partner. He’ll train you to listen in a way that dismantles her concerns and have you step up and have you get on the same page. I knew nothing about this.
One thing that happened for me is I got to see clearly the reason and the source of all of my relationship’s failure up until this point. Michelle and I fell madly in love. We were soulmates. Here we are in a relationship and in a marriage after kids and there’s no passion and there’s no intimacy. We became ordinary. How could that be? We love each other so much yet the same thing was happening with her that happened with my ex-wife. I know she loves me. It just feels that she doesn’t like me every day and she would complain all the time.
That’s mainly because from a woman’s standpoint, we are telling him the state of our home that’s something is off. A lot of the times I’ll just be real. Let’s say in finances. I felt like, “Something’s going on. It’s not stable. It’s not strong.” When I would come to him, he would already get on the defensive because of the way that I came to him. You also get the ladies trained in how to come to him from a vulnerable place, which is the feminine, not like attacking and pointing him a finger, which is a little bit more masculine and sharing how we feel about the finances. It’s always for women about feeling safe.
We’re wired to see where we’re safe. We’re all about being safe and secure. In the course, he asks a very simple question, “Men, how many of you have ever felt physically unsafe in the last month?” Nobody raises their hand. He’ll say, “One day, one week, one month, two months.” Maybe a couple of guys will raise their hands in the last two months. He says, “Ladies, how many of you have felt unsafe physically in the last month?” Everybody raises their hands. “How about last two weeks?” Everybody raises their hands. “How about last week?” Everybody raises their hands. “How about the last 24 hours?” You’ll see a good share of hands go up of women who feel unsafe.
A lot of the times when we’re sharing, it’s coming from building security in the kingdom. We want to feel secure in every area. Where we were falling short in our marriage, I was in the masculine and whenever he would block or defend or protect, what I was trying to say was not getting through. I would just man up and handle it myself. That’s how I handled it because I wasn’t in the right state when I was communicating it. I wasn’t coming from being feminine and vulnerable and I’m wired for safety and security.
From what I’m hearing, it’s the natural biological programming for you to feel that way and for all women to feel that way. From what I’m hearing, you are a man enough because you wanted to fix the problem as soon as possible. It’s only natural for anyone who feels uncomfortable, you want to feel comfortable as soon as you can. It sounds like you’re always like, “I’ll just take care of it.”
Because I wasn’t feeling the security from his point of view like, “No matter what happens in the business, if it’s up or if it’s down, I will handle it. I will do whatever I have to do to handle it.” That’s what I needed. It didn’t mean that our actual material was all manifested in their meaning. We didn’t have this much in the bank and the house of our dreams or whatever. I needed to know like, “I got you. I got us.” Because I wasn’t getting that, I felt that I had to take it into my own hands and make sure that we had what we needed to have the life we want.
It’s a state. Before this course, I had no idea what this state was. Do I want a pleaser? Of course, I’m trying to please her every day, all day but what I found out was, that’s feminine. It’s not that I don’t want my wife to be happy. I work hard at fulfilling her every dream. Where I was coming from state-wise, it was from the feminine. When I learned how to come from it from masculine and when she communicated from the feminine, it was empowering. I will work ten times as hard to fulfill that need. When you get vulnerable and you share with me what’s going on with you, I will show up that much more powerful, but when you busted my balls from the masculine, I’m going to block it.
It feels like an attack. Now, what I’m learning how to do is she’s not going to do that every time. She’s going to still come to me from the masculine, but can I listen from the emotions that she’s trying to communicate underneath the words? The problem is, I grasp onto the words that are coming out of her mouth rather than what is she communicating emotionally because that’s where she’s communicating from because she is in the feminine. What’s coming out of her mouth could be from the masculine. That’s where I get confused and I’m not masterful at that yet at all. That’s why I’m doing this course and the next course. That’s why I want to learn how to teach this because I want to master it. Anything I want to master, I teach.
In terms of helping anyone to start to get some action items, what would be for the women out there some action items that they can start to incorporate and work on some of these aspects to help have a better relationship?You can do nothing other than inheriting the patterns that are passed down to you. Click To Tweet
The first thing that comes to mind is to know that although your partner may not know the right way to do certain things, men want to please. Your partner wants to please. They want to make you happy. You may need to slow down and guide them. Making requests like, “It would be nice if you could surprise me sometimes.” We walk around thinking they can read our minds. The first action item is if there’s something you’re not getting in a relationship, ask for it. Don’t make them wrong when you ask for it as if they should have done it a year ago or yet they should’ve done it yesterday. Just make a request. This is the best way to say it, “What would make me happy is if you took me to dinner without the kids or you would make me happy if you drew me a bath.” It’s the little things like that. It’s always the little things. That’s the first thing that came to mind.
For the men out there, Marc, how are we taking action and being better kings?
Work on not taking things personally. When she’s coming to you with something that looks exactly like a complaint, she’s just communicating the state of your kingdom, your domain, your home. She’s communicating something that’s out that she wants. Underneath that tough exterior, there is a very delicate butterfly that wants to be taken care of. That’s the biggest challenge for us men. When they’re coming to us in the masculine to hear the delicate butterfly but they are a delicate butterfly.
The toughest women are the softest. They just have to build up these walls to protect that angel inside. When we did the course, there was a woman who was ready to bounce. She was done with the marriage. By the end of the weekend, you would think it was a different person. Somebody needed to take down that wall and she needed to feel safe enough to let it down. Our experience, when we’re in our feminine, it’s very vulnerable. Don’t think that your woman is an exception to the rule. We’re all soft inside. The thing that came to mind about action is women do too much for too many people. You’ve got to find time for yourself to connect to your divine. If that is taking extra time to make yourself feel and look good in the morning, meditate or take a sexy dance class or a pole dancing class. Go swim in the ocean or take a walk on the beach, you will be a better human being to the people in your life if you do something to take care of yourself. It is crucial because we walk around like martyrs and taking care of everybody else thinking that it’s benefiting people, but it’s not. We’re not giving our true full selves to people when we don’t take care of ourselves.
That’s an important message to anyone is taking time to care for yourself, especially women but men can take this overboard. We can take care of ourselves unselfishly. I got into Ironman triathlons and it took a lot of time. The amount of time to prepare for this race is impactful on a family with young children. I made a choice to pull away. I’ll still work out but not nearly to the degree as I was because it doesn’t serve the family. Yes, I need to take care of myself, but not to the point where your wife is resenting you because you’re going out for a six-hour ride and you’re going to be gone all day. You have to find balance. Take care of yourself unselfishly.
When you know your partner is overcompensating for you being gone, that’s the red flag. I had to overcompensate for him being gone. I put the kids before him and that was a reason he started looking for something else to feel important in. This is something that also gets gone over in the course. Whenever you put the kids before your partner, the kingdom will come toppling down. You’ve got to put your partner first. Sometimes that could be hard to hear before you take the course. It’s like, “What do you mean putting your partner first? I’m over here taking care of everything.” The course helps you reprioritize things but be responsible. I put the kids before Marc and that hurts. I’m sure that it hurt him so he went looking for that validation, love and community somewhere else. He got it with his training team. Check to see where your priorities are and make sure your relationship is after yourself just as secondary.
Since we’ve discovered this, we are experiencing being on the same page not all the time. As we’re joining forces and putting our marriage before the kids, I’ve naturally and quite happily pulled away from triathlon. I wasn’t pissed that I had to pull away from triathlon. We’re building something together that is so exciting. Our mission is to restore a million marriages with Brett and Marie with this Relationship Warrior Code. We’re up to something together doing a transformation in the world. We’ve arrived at our purpose. For me, to pull away was a natural expression. Sometimes giving things up can be challenging for a human being. When things are done with integrity and you are living by a code, it becomes very simple and easy.
When you came in and you are open and vulnerable enough to address that in front of not only you know each other but also to other people in the room, it felt like, “It’s uncomfortable to watch people deal with their relationship issues in front of me.” As a result, it created a space of trust. Once we were through that initial discomfort, that space of trust, it felt like there were more good vibes and more love in the room. We could all connect because there wasn’t fermenting underneath the surface that was waiting to bubble up.
We do not want to be those people who were teaching people anything. We want to go through our stuff with people watching. Brett talks about this too. We want to argue in front of the kids, not because we want to argue in front of the kids because most of the time people will say, “Don’t argue with the kids. Wait until later. Wait until they’re asleep.” No, we want to teach them how to work through things. We want to be a couple that is honest and tells the truth. We’re not perfect. We have disagreements. We’re human beings. No matter how trained you are, you’re going to have disagreements and if you don’t, then that’s a red flag too. We want to be that kind of couple. I was like, “Let’s go in there and work this out with everybody.” You gave us amazing input and it got resolved. That’s what this is about. I’m so tired of people pretending that they have it all together. Start telling the truth so we can set each other free, so we could all be ourselves, the good, the bad, the ugly and have friendships that are honest and true and raw and real. That’s living.
What you’re asking everyone to do is to be exposed, be naked, be vulnerable, which nobody wants to do. Marc, you being a life coach and then helping me, it’s hard to come in and say, “Here are all my flaws. Let me show you where I’m at, how far I’m down.” It’s what we’re pointing out. Even with your kid, it’s monkey see, monkey do. That’s what’s so brilliant about you. You are teaching your children from day one like, “It’s okay to have an argument, but here’s the path and here’s the solution.” What I got out with Brett and Marie in this course is, they showed me that two is better than one. It is and you’re bringing this to the family. We’re all human in a sense. We’ve all been through everything.
Michelle and I are products of divorce. One thing I never looked at was the emotional impact that that divorce had on me as a human being at seven years old. It’s like, “Here you are going through life. You’re seven and your mom and dad are your mom and dad. All of a sudden, they’re not living together.” That’s hard to confront. It has such an impact and there are so many people that love each other and they get divorced because they don’t have these tools.
Sometimes love is not enough and they don’t know how to heal it. They don’t have the tools. They don’t know how to access what’s broken.
I want to let you reaffirm your mission and tell people where to find the course but first, what’s your inspiration?
The superficial answer would be my kids or my husband, but it’s my deathbed. In the end, will I have done everything I could do to live and to leave a legacy?
That took me to Dr. Strange. There’s a scene where she’s the chosen one and she goes, “Death is what gives life meaning.” Know that your days are numbered and at one point, it’s going to all come to an end.
I hate to say it, but my answer is going to be very similar to Michelle. I look at my children and I do wonder, “I’m shaping human beings. How am I shaping them?” What is their future going to look like if I pass on these crappy patterns that I bring to relationships? Not crappy, but unworkable patterns that I’ve inherited. You can do nothing other than inheriting the patterns that are passed down to you. For me, a huge inspiration is not only my children but children out there. I get so sad. Millions of children are watching their parents opt for divorce and I want to end it. I want to alter the divorce rate and have people fight for the marriage to work and that’s what children are looking at because people have stopped fighting.If you're not doing personal development work and you're getting a divorce, shame on you. Click To Tweet
They fight but they fight for being right. They fight for being right about their own point of view. They’re not willing to let it go to look over there and see what’s going on for the other person. It’s why I love and have always done personal development work. If you’re not doing personal development work and you’re getting a divorce, shame on you. You need to look inside and you need to do whatever it takes to crack open your heart and peel the onion layers and look at yourself. Stop blaming the other person because that’s the culture we are inheriting if we don’t do something about it, which is why we’re here.
It takes work. I see all my single friends be like, “I want to get married. I want to find the man of my dreams.” The work starts when you got married. I say this a lot in my little social community. People train years to become teachers, doctors, lawyers and pretty much any profession. There is some amount of training especially as a parent, the most important job. People will not pick up a book and read about how to be a great parent, conscious parenting, breaking those generational habits that you pick up and you’re like, “Did I just say that? I sounded like my mom.” Pick up a book, do a seminar, do the work. What’s on the other side of it is a life you create, not a life you get inherited by default. That’s what we’re standing for people doing the work.
You heard it here first. Marc and Michelle will be saving at minimum a million divorces when they take on this adventure they already have obviously. If you’re reading right now and your relationship is in trouble, reach out. Get into this course because it’s cheaper than divorce and if you know anyone in your life who might benefit from this. How can they get in touch with you? How can they bring this life-changing work to themselves and to their kids and to the world?
The website is www.RelationshipWarrior.org. The next Relationship Warrior Code is going to be May 3rd, 4th and 5th of 2019 in Los Angeles.
Shortly after in Orlando. If you’re on the East Coast and you’re looking for participating, it will be somewhat in May 2019. You can reach out to us and we’ll give you the details on that one too.
We do have an Instagram page that we have not started to do anything with, but we are. It’s going to be @MarcAndMichelle on Instagram. We want to share our journey. We don’t want to share how we have it all together. We want to share our journey, the ups and the downs and show how this course unfolds in marriage and how a marriage can work. You can reach us through that and we also have Facebook, Marc Landau and Michelle Landau.
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About Marc and Michelle Landau
Marc Landau has coached over 100,000 people on how to maximize their full potential. His life’s work has taken him from a global educational company where he coached tens of thousands of people in personal development, to an intensive 18 course Tibetan Buddhist Curriculum (which was extrapolated from a 25-year curriculum in a true Tibetan Monastery). He has also competed as an endurance athlete in over a dozen Triathlons around the country. Marc has always pushed the boundaries on how he can live beyond a life of just surviving. From executives at fortune 500 companies, leading Hollywood film stars, doctors, lawyers, mothers, fathers, yoga teachers to veterans, Marc’s insight and wisdom in combining ancient Buddhist wisdom with contemporary lifestyle practices can impact the life of everyone.
Having listened to such an enormous number of peoples fears, desires, heartbreaks, and setbacks, Marc challenges the realities that we get stuck in, offering thought-provoking and life-altering questions that enable us to transcend the rat race of life. Incorporating breathing techniques to quiet the mind and open the heart, together with deep analysis of what fear is holding you back, his clients emerge with courage to have those scary but necessary conversations that bring about deep connection and intimacy to the relationships we have with ourselves, those around us, and the world at large. He also insights people to take action.
As a child, Marc was fixated with the fear of his own death and leaving those around him. The ensuing paralyzation was lifted after he found Yoga in his twenties and began his long journey inwards. In his late twenties, he joined the staff of Landmark Worldwide, a global education company hosting transformational seminars and it was here he realized his life calling in coaching people through life’s challenges and empowering them to accomplish unprecedented results and maximize their true potential.
Something was still missing. Teaching someone else’s curriculum wasn’t maximizing his own true potential and he left that company after a decade of service. Rather than step up to the plate and used what he learned, he began to hide. His marriage fell apart, he faced financial ruin, and a battle of addiction and unstable relationships set in. Each encounter though taught him something and he finally found Tibetan Buddhism and his heart teacher Mirah. It was through this 18-course monastic curriculum, years of intense study, the taking of Bodhisattva vows, accomplishing several silent retreats including a 19-day silent solo retreat where he had to complete 140,000 mantras within 21 days that Marc began to purify his mind. He found his ground again and prepared to launch himself as the coach he always knew he was. It was in the 19-day retreat where he experienced the deepest and most profound realization of his life; that he could enjoy his own company without any distraction.
Marc also needed a break from Transforming and saving the planet at large, and humbled himself to run the company his dear father left for him, a branding company producing promotional products for US Labor Unions. “I resisted that company like crazy, I was better than it for a long time.” But what Marc discovered was that while he was committed to saving the planet and making a difference, he couldn’t pay his own rent. “My wife asked me one time, “honey, would it be enough to just provide for your family and run your dad’s business?” Marc ran his father’s company and grew it and grew it, even through his father’s passing of Alzheimer’s in 2014. Through this time, Marc stabilized and began marrying ancient wisdom and contemporary lifestyle practices to help himself unlock and realize his own potential.
In the past 3 years, Marc has enjoyed the stability of running his inherited family business and it wasn’t until 2017, that he realized the bug for coaching and making a difference was still there. “I also discovered I buried my passion for being an endurance athlete.”
Today, Marc trains 20-30 hours a week, competing as a plant-based Vegan triathlete and at the same time, he is launching his very own coaching business. “As I opened my eyes to my own potential being realized, I saw this business as the opportunity to help others do the same.” Marc coaches others on how to maximize their true potential through both one-on-one coaching and group work. Based in Los Angeles, he is happily married and both his eleven-year-old and two-year-old daughters are excited to welcome Marc and Michelle’s new baby to the world in 2018… just after he finishes his first Ironman triathlon: a grueling race in Santa Rosa, CA covering a 2.4 mile (3.86km) swim, 112-mile (180.25km) bike ride, and a 26.2 mile (42.20km) run.