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Learn To Fight For Love: The Relationship Warrior Code with Brett and Marie Jones
I’ve got a question for you. Do you know anything about relationships?
I know much more now than I did and I’m learning every day. Because of Brett Jones and his lovely wife, I’ve learned a lot more.
That’s who are coming on the show. Brett and Marie Jones who are married and they have a wonderful course called the Relationship Warrior Code. You’ve been to that course, right?
Yes, it was amazing. I didn’t want to go. I walked in with a hoodie and I’m dark, depressed, angry and upset. My relationship just ended with a girl who I thought I was going to end up being with for a long time. I was hurt. I was damaged and what I found out was I had to fall in love with me again. I went alone, which I’d recommend for everybody because I was able to let go of everything else out there and stay focused on myself.
An interesting point that I was trying to get out of there is it’s a relationship, but a lot of people go alone. It is about relationships and having a successful relationship, but that starts with having a good relationship with yourself.
It’s so easy to think about it like this, “How can you love someone else if you’re not in love with you?” The relationships could be between you and your parents, between you and your siblings or between you and your kids. That’s what I really got out of it is that I had to establish and build the kingdom around me. What Brett Jones is so good at doing is these three things that I’ll tell everybody right now to write this down. I live by this. You tell the truth, you do the right thing and you love and protect your family. It’s that simple. You always tell the truth, which I wasn’t really good at doing. I embellish things. I was a sales guy, but I was into lying or deceit. It’s different. You have to be truthful with yourself and actually knock on the hard door, look in the mirror, look back and go, “What this course taught me was I went back generation after generation. I went back to my parents, my parents’ parents, my parents’ parents’ parents’ parents and realized it came through to me and how I was showing up that my great grandfather was probably doing to his wife, my great grandmother.”
We don’t know what we don’t know. These two people have shown me the kingdom. They opened the door and I walked through and it’s probably the best course I’ve ever done in my life. I’ve done the Landmark Education Forum. I went to graduate school at USC. I have done so many things, besides spending time in the hospital for six months which wasn’t all that fine, which wasn’t a course. It was a course in life. We all have trauma and we all have a sense of traumatic experiences and events. It doesn’t matter what you’re going through, whether it’s cancer, a heart attack, a stroke. It’s being paralyzed or you’re a veteran who’s coming back home from the war. You want to have to establish that relationship with yourself.
What was your personal top takeaway from going to the event?
I found my peace. I looked back at all the events in my life. One morning, I was going to the event with Marc and Michelle who was on this show as well and I was laughing the whole way home. I was making all these things up in my head and my ego was taking over and not the Divine. They just showed me the roadmap to what it’s like to have the Divine and to have the white light touch my heart. Many people can have everything. They think they have the money, the power, the perfect relationship with their loved one or their siblings or their kids and something’s missing. That one thing can cause the kingdom to go to an empire and empires fall. A prime example of that is Jeff Bezos, who owns Amazon. He is the richest guy on the planet who now is going to lose his wife because his kingdom was not established. Brett Jones and Marie are the miracle workers beyond. They’re gifts from heaven on how they educate and break down the playbook. Taylor, I think you’re going with me in May, right?
That’s the plan, yeah. The upcoming events they have are in Los Angeles, May 3rd through 5th. That’s the one we’re going to be at. If anyone in the Los Angeles area is looking to save their relationship or create a better relationship or just find your peace in life, direction and power with who you are, come join us. They’re also doing events in Orlando on May 10th through 12th and Perth on May 24th through the 26th. If you want to help support the show, we have set up links with them because we love them so much through our website. If you go through our website, it will help support the show and you’ll be able to start having an impact in shifting your relationship either with your loved one or with yourself. I haven’t been through it yet, but watching Sean go through the last one, it was night and day the difference between who he was before and who he was after. It doesn’t mean, “It’s a miracle,” and they solve all your problems in three days. No, they give you the tools to go home and start taking action on the changes you need to make to your life to build this really solid kingdom. I think everyone needs the education they offer because with this education, we can be working from a place of knowing.
You’ve said some great points and thank you for all those compliments. What I got out of it too is that Brett teaches about entrepreneurship. He teaches you about finances. He teaches you how to build your treasury which is your part of the kingdom, which is needed to establish the relationship. It makes the woman feel safe. I never knew that and understood it. Even if you have all the money or don’t have all the money, you’ve got to make your queen feel safe. Two is better than one. He often says you’re only one conversation away from creating anything that you want. By all means, he’s done it. I had a relationship with my body because I’m paralyzed on the left side, at least that’s the terminology which the MDs use. I had to get okay and be accepting of where I’m at in this moment. That’s what I want to tie it with. Anybody out there who listens to me with stroke or brain injuries and we have a weak side or we have an affected side, unless you get grips with it, you’re never going to heal your heart. No one’s saying to me, “I’m going to go run a marathon tomorrow.” I’d like to try but I’m not looking to run tomorrow. I’m not looking to do a pull up tomorrow or a pushup. I’m going to take small steps as they come and they lead to bigger steps. That’s the relationship I got out of the course was being really okay with where I’m at right now in this moment in time.
Please check out Brett and Marie, read the blog and absorb what they have to say because they are so wise. If you love what they’re talking about, jump on over to AdventuresInHealth.tv and sign up for one of their courses. Please jump over to iTunes, subscribe to the podcast if you haven’t already. That subscription helps us start to generate more followers through iTunes organically. Please drop us a five-star review and let us know what you’re loving about the show and how we can better connect with you and serve you. If you haven’t had the chance yet, jump on over to Facebook. Join the Adventures in Health Facebook group and start sharing anything you want to in that group about healing, recovering, overcoming trauma. We’re all in this together and we all rise up together. We’ve got one comment from PJ Livesay. This is called Excellent Podcast, one of our five-star reviews. “Sean Entin and Taylor Smith are amazing hosts and providing a podcast with inspiring messages from a variety of guests. The guests have had a health experience or journey worthy of a great listen with each new guest.” Enjoy the show with Brett and Marie. Let us know what you think.
Also, read Marc and Michelle’s episode because they are the ones who got me into the course. If it wasn’t for Marc in my life, I wouldn’t be anywhere. Thanks, everybody.
Welcome to the show Brett and Marie, how are you guys doing?20% of anything in your life is mental and 80% is emotional. Click To Tweet
Thank you, Taylor. It’s great to be here.
It’s great to meet you guys virtually. You’re in Australia, right?
Yes, we’re on the West Coast over in Perth. From Sydney, it’s like Washington to Los Angeles, pretty much the same distance.
Sean, how are you doing?
I’m doing great. I’m excited to be here. My mentors are here, my coaches of what I’ve learned to find the divine and find myself again.
I would say based on what I saw from Sean going through your course, it’s night and day. If you would give our audience a quick one-two of who you guys are and what you guys do.
We run Relationship Warriors Code and we’re very passionate about changing the divorce rates right across the world, pretty much in any country. We’ve got a 60% divorce rate. For a lot of reasons that we understand, people don’t know how to maintain a relationship anymore. It’s part of that journey for ourselves. We’ve been together for many years. We’re married for several and as part of that journey, we had to go into spirituality. We had to go into psychology. We had to go into a whole bunch of different areas to learn the skills as to why do people make the decisions that we make. Why do we lack skills in areas like that? Why do we lack skills when it comes to investments and other areas that are so important to us in our lives?
Marriage can get a bad reputation because there are so many people that are not happy in their marriage. It can be bliss. It can be you, your partner and the rest of the world. It doesn’t matter what’s happening at work, what’s happening with the kids or what’s happening in the business. When you come home and you’ve got bliss, then everything else you can deal with.
You guys have been married several years and everything’s been beautiful since you guys are the masters of relationships.
The truth about relationships is you’re always going to argue. You’re always going to have disagreements. It’s not the arguments that are problems. We know, as Sean has seen, how to turn an argument into a conversation literally in five minutes by understanding the differences between us. If you look at the universe that we live in, everything in this universe is Yin and Yang. They are complete opposites to everything. Somehow in our culture, we’ve got to a point and it really came out of the changes after World War I and World War II with women getting the vote and becoming equal. Anything that I can do, Marie can do but somehow our cultural understanding of that took it too far. Now, it says we’re the same. When we communicate, we communicate like we’re the same and the truth is we are completely opposite.
What I want through a relationship is very different from what Brett wants through a relationship. I’m very capable absolutely, but I want different things from Brett does.
How did you guys first start to unravel and discover these aspects of we’re equal but not necessarily the same?
It’s started when we both sold our businesses. We bought a yacht and we run the world on the yacht. It’s a 43-foot yacht. We had two captains in a 43-foot space. That was a very tough year. At that time, either of us could have left. In fact, I even joke that I could’ve put Brett on a dinghy, cut the rope and I would get away with murder. It’s a tough year. We shouldered a lot of stuff that year. That was the beginning of our journey of learning new skills and putting it into practice.
One of the things that Marie and I’ve done over the years is, I lost a very large business when I was in my 30s and this was before I met Marie. At that point, when you get your life to a situation where you go, “I’ve screwed things up here. I’ve got two choices here. Do I just stick my head in the sand and hope it’s all going to get better? Do I take my head out of the sand and say, ‘How did I end up here?’” Circumstances might have had some impact on how I ended up here but a large part of it is my own choices. The question arose from me, “Why did I make those choices?” As I started to investigate both professional development and personal development of that area, I began to understand that we make decisions based on a lot of factors that we’re unaware of.You're not who you are at three years old, five years old, or thirteen. You are who you are at the moment. Click To Tweet
I call it conditioning. It means that we’re conditioned by our culture. We’re conditioned by events that have occurred in our life and we’re conditioned by the role models that we have growing up. What we learned from those experience, learned from the culture and learned from the role models then makes us make unconscious decisions around things that we wouldn’t even sometimes contemplate. As an example, when I was quite young, my parents were going to adopt a child and I was just discussing it with mom. She said to me, “Did you feel that you rejected him and didn’t really want him?” In my world, in my experience, that’s what happened because they asked me a question, “Do you want to adopt Frank?” I said, “No” I was five years of age. Why would I want to share my parents and my toys with somebody else?
How I took that and how I reacted emotionally to that at that age impacted me for the rest of my life. I literally started to cut people out, stop trusting people and stop letting them in. That way of being, way of showing up in the world made me make certain decisions and drove me to be successful, which in one aspect was a good thing. It drove me also to not properly connect with my first wife. That led inevitably to a divorce. When you start to understand that these things impact in this way, you start to recognize that people operate in patterns of behavior, set ways of being that show up in personalities. If I can illustrate it, the classic would be the power Alpha male. What does he have on his arm? He has the model, the beautiful woman there to illustrate how powerful he is and how he must be so much so that he can attract a woman like this. She’s attracted to him because he seems to be in the masculine state but actually he’s in his feminine.
He seems to be powerful and he seems to be going to provide for her but he’s just using her. We know that model very well. You’ve seen it in Hollywood and you’ve seen it in politics. It exists everywhere. That is a classic pattern of behavior that you can witness. It’s out there with thousands of people and after a while, you get to recognize there are only so many patterns. One of the things that we work with Sean on is that when it’s a traumatic event, I say, “We’re conditioned by events.” When someone has that traumatic event that happens to their health, they’ve got not only a mental way of coping with that. One of the things we talk about in the Relationship Warriors is a way of showing up and a way of living. You can show up in a particular way and when a traumatic event happens like that, you’re going to process it at a mental level of, “Why did this happen to me?”
The victim mentality.
The question is posed as, “Why did it happen to me?” There’s the emotional reaction to that question, which is despair because there’s no answer to that question. One thing you have to learn to do is better quality questions, on the mental side. On the emotional side, you have to look at, “Why am I going there? How can I stop myself from going there?” When you deal with some of the original patterns that you’ve been through that making not able to cope in those situations, suddenly the world becomes a different place to live in. Suddenly it’s not the disability that’s the issue. We have a saying, “It’s not the event, it’s how you react to the event.” 20% of anything in your life is a strategy or mental and 80% is emotional.
I got a lot of questions rolling through my head. The first one that popped up was, “What if it’s an event that might be subconsciously traumatic but consciously you never acknowledged or was aware of?”
Give me an example of that.
I’ll take an example from my own life. I went to military school when I was a kid. Consciously, I would never say that was a traumatic incident. Thinking about it now, and it’s been coming up in my meditation and in my dreams weirdly enough, I’m starting to unravel and understand that on a subconscious level that I wasn’t necessarily paying attention to, it was in some ways traumatic.
Quite often we have people come to our events and they are like, “My life is great. Nothing untoward happened.” Prior to me doing any inquiry as we call it on the inside of myself, I would have said to you, “I grew up in a very normal suburb. I was sent off to private school. My parents are a working class. They sacrificed having two meals. I was an only child. My childhood was great. There’s nothing terrible happened there and nothing dramatic.” On the second morning of the very first event that I did, I woke up in a monk cell. That was actually held in an abandoned monastery. That’s how we use the term going to the cell to look inside. I was sitting there in this abandoned monk cell and I woke up at 5:00 in the morning. Tears were streaming down my face. In that moment, I had absolute clarity of how that one event with that young boy, Frank, that we were going to adopt had impacted my life. I saw everything in that moment. The emotion and the tears that were there for it, I would have sworn to you I’d never thought about him from age 5 to 35, not once but it was all there on the inside.
The program was set up in a way where the first year and a half is breaking down that conditioning so people get a lot of insights so they can move forward.
They can undo the effects of that conditioning, which is very important in anything you’re trying to do in life. I see so many people want to be successful in business, with wealth or even in relationships. They are literally dragging this baggage behind them, up the hill on the road to success. It’s cutting through that baggage and letting go of it that then enables you to implement the strategies. You said you’ve seen a big difference in Sean. That’s because he’s dropped a lot of that baggage.
I let go of my past. I’m now in the present. I’m now in the moment. I would say that from the Landmark Forum I taught. I took the course as well. The sum of the past does not equal the present. Tony Robbins has taught me too, “You’re not who you are at three years old, five years old or thirteen. You are who you are at the moment and in order to move forward, you’ve got to let go of some of that past or get complete with it.”
You have to because it’s literally controlling you. There are stuffs in your past that has happened to you and is controlling your reactions to things. By controlling your reactions, it literally controls your destiny.
It’s easier said than done.Anxiety leads to you taking a break. Click To Tweet
How do we break the patterns?
We’ve spent over a quarter of a decade perfecting the methods to enable people to break those patterns. It’s not something that you can do mentally. It’s not something you can mantra or it’s not something you can decide that you’re going to break. It’s something that you have to inquire into. We created a very personal experience. We create a group experience. We create a very personal experience inside the events as well to enable people to choose that. The reality is, as my mom said to me, “Brett, it wasn’t the decision that you made that made us not adopt Frank.” It was actually difficult because he had a family and he wanted to go back to his family. That was the main reason we didn’t go ahead with the adoption.
That was in my reality. That might have been the reality, but it wasn’t my reality around the event. My reality created a set of beliefs and emotional reactions that then made me react. There was a very ancient book called Transactional Analysis by a guy called Eric Berne. It’s one of the most profound books ever written about human behavior. What he says in the book is that when something like that happens, we make three choices. We say, “You’re okay and I’m not okay. You’re not okay and I’m not okay. You’re not okay and I’m okay.” That last choice is very rare. Most people say, “You’re not okay and I’m not okay,” which means that somehow when our parents, role models do something or there’s some other outside influencer, we take on the blame for it literally.
You guys studied all over the world. Where do you guys come up with the course? You studied with so many wonderful people. Tell us about where you’ve got the information to put together the course?
In our marriage vows, it says that we do a course around the world every year and we’ve stuck to that in our vows. When the kids were young, we would do it separately. When the kids got a bit older, we would either take them with these dual courses. Every year, we go and do that. We’ve done many courses ourselves because it’s important to keep moving and growing. When we were on the yacht, we wanted to work together whenever we finished our traveling. Brett wrote a book at that time. I did a psych degree in that time and we just started putting together a course. When we got back, we started running the course. Every time we do run the course, we always debrief at the end. We’re always adding, changing and getting better. As we grow as people, the course grows as well.
One of the reasons that we’re so passionate about changing how we hold relationships together is the social impact of that. It’s clear from the studies, it’s clear from statistics that children of divorced couples have higher levels of stress, anxiety and depression. It’s absolutely clear from the surveys. That profound impact across our culture and in our world is evident. Relationships are failing at a crazy rate. Prior to World War I and World War II, we had a 10% divorce rate in America, in Australia, in Europe and the UK. After World War I and World War II, it skyrocketed. It went up 400%. 40% of the population was now getting divorced. As we go into the ‘50s and ‘s60s, it started going up to 50% and it’s resting in about 60%. You’ve got Millennials choosing not even to get married, to live in de facto relationship, just cohabitating. The problem with that is even that doesn’t work.
It’s failing at a higher rate than marriages.
Why is this percentage changing so drastically before and after World War II in your opinion?
One of the key things you asked before, how do you break these patterns? One way that we’ve learned over the years is the state people are in. I can be happy and joyful. I can be sad, depressed or anxious. They’re all states. The state as a collection of emotions that I’m experiencing at that moment. Cognitively, the way that I perceive the world around me changes by the state that I’m in. When these events happen to us as a kid or growing up or if something happens to me as an adult that makes me go into a state. I’m going to use that state from then on as to how I deal with those events that might come up rightly or wrongly. Some people will go into anxiety, stress or depression to cope with the situation. Even though that’s not the best strategy. It’s a strategy that worked out when they’re a kid or in that moment. It seemed to somehow help because each of these things became a bit like self-care, looking after yourself.
It might not seem that way in stress, but stress leads to you taking a break. Anxiety leads to you taking a break. Depression leads to taking a break. It literally forces you into taking a break. It becomes an effective strategy from that point of view. Your question was, why have divorces gone to skyrocketing levels. Why relationship breaking up? You have to get the picture of what it was actually like after the end of World War II. You had virtually every man in your country from age twenty to 60 was at war. They left. They were gone. They’re in the Pacific or they’re over in Europe. It was 70% of the male population, the other 30% were still in school or outside of being able to be enlisted into the military services. At the same time, all the women were left behind. They had to deal with everything.
They started working, they started making the bullets and they started making the war machines. They started working which was great for them, but not only did they do that, they were looking after the kids, looking after the household, looking after their parents and most likely his parents too because he was away. That was the beginning of women becoming everything to everybody, which they’re doing and they are tired.
Why? Because it became a cultural re-patterning of how women showed up in the world. Their daughters, the Baby Boomers, they modeled what they saw because that’s how we learn from our parents. We model what we see, not what they tell us to do. We certainly don’t do that. We model who they are and how they show up. The daughters witnessed their mothers being everything to everybody. You only need to ask any woman. Sean would have seen it inside the event talking to the ladies about it. They all experienced it the same way. They’re tired.
I came back home and I traced back my heritage. My grandparents, my grandfather who was in the war, my grandmother who was depressed, who took care of the kids, my mom and my uncle, how she showed up in my family and the stress that we had as kids. I realized, this is not my fault but this is who I am. I let go of so much anger and anxiety. I thought I had to be a certain way and even though it’s called the Relationship Course to everyone out there, I did not go with my girlfriend at the time. She actually left me days before the course. I was going in there angry and upset. I did not want to be anywhere near Brett or Marie. I walked in there saying, “God, take me out of here. This is the last place I want it to be.” I kept looking over at Brett and he kept saying to me, “Hang in there, you’re going to be fine.” I did because I learned more about myself without my girlfriend there at the time because of the reflection I saw of everybody else.
It makes so much sense to me because it’s beautiful. I was raised a certain way then I had to be a certain thing. I wasn’t good enough and unless I was successful with a lot of money, nobody would love me. I look back now and everyone who knows our show, I think I caused my own stroke. I think the stroke was coming no matter what. My emotional state was going slow me down because like you, not as big, I was an entrepreneur for many years. If I didn’t make an excellent amount of money every year, I thought I wasn’t going to be loved by my wife, by my daughters and by my mom. They love me no matter what. I had to accept myself for who I am, which caused even a lot more to happen. I got to say thank you again for the bottom of my heart for showing me this because I don’t know where I was even going.
Illustrating that point, entrepreneurs use stress like a drug. They use it to fuel themselves to get into action and get stuff done.
That’s me and that’s chaos. I love it because if you talk about Bezos, he is the wealthiest man on the planet, but he doesn’t have a wife to go home to anymore. She now owns another planet with all the money she’s going to have and they’re now getting divorced. What good is all that money?Entrepreneurs use stress like a drug. They use it to fuel themselves to get into action and get stuff done. Click To Tweet
When this change happened after World War I and World War II, men came back different. They came back from the war shut down. They were in an environment where the three of us, we’re in a platoon together, two of us would not come back. I’m running out there with Sean. He’s got his rifle in his hand and next minute, his head disappears. We’ve built up this relationship. He’s become my brother. We’ve been through basic training. We’ve been through six months of staff. We’re together and suddenly he disappears next to me. How do you emotionally cope with that? You have to shut down part of yourself to get through it and deal with it. When they came home, they are still in that same mode. Then they have to deal with the kids, work, earning money, dealing with her and she sees he’s like that. What does she do?
Like women do, she steps up and she supports him through it. Their kids model that, “That’s how to be a man.” You shut down emotionally and somehow culturally we’ve got into this mode of men shutting down emotionally in relationships. Women trying to handle all and feeling they’ve never been heard in the relationship. How do we know this? Professor John Gottman did a study back in the year 2000 in San Francisco with 3,500 couples. He was able to predict with a 91% degree of accuracy, completely unheard off in social experiments. Normally, it’s around 50% rate. He got a 91% degree of accuracy with this. He knew whether or not they were going to be divorced or together in five years’ time. How? This characteristic of how men and women are now showing up in relationships. What we then searched for was, what’s the solution to the problem?
It’s not their fault. You’re not taught relationships at school. We carry on from what we know. Unfortunately, there’s a lot of people getting divorced and they don’t need to get divorced. They just don’t have the skills to make it work.
Sean, you would’ve witnessed that with some of the couples. You saw many of the couples coming and then afterward, simply in three days, learning a communication code, a way of showing up in the correct states. We define those states as the masculine state. Let me clearly define what masculine is. It is not dominating. It is not controlling. That is not masculine. In our culture, we think that is what the masculine is and it’s not. The masculine is brave, loyal, supportive and protective. These words, bravery, honesty and loyalty, somehow we’ve lost the meaning of those in our culture. What’s feminine? It’s not going out there and jumping into mixed martial arts ring with a set of boxing gloves on, proving that you can be equal to a man. You can do that, but that’s not the feminine state. The feminine is flow. The feminine is understanding.
The feminine is intuition. It’s a knowing. When you’ve both partners in the masculine-feminine and even if you’re doing a business deal or bought a property or whatever you’re doing, when you’ve got both of these energies working together, you’re covering all sides. That’s what we always say that two is more powerful than one. Brett’s a lot better at property but intuitively, I will add my part to it and it’s always quite relevant.
The king is open to the queen providing that input. She feels heard. That then has a physiological effect on her. If he’s in the correct state being the masculine state. Again, this is not something that you can talk about, it’s something you have to demonstrate to someone else. Him being in that right state, she can then offload. When she offloads, this is how women distress. Men distress by not talking.
A man will speak 7,000 words a day when women will speak 21,000 words a day. In us talking, our cortisol levels are going down, our oxytocin levels are going up. In that talking, we feel connected to our partner.
This isn’t theory, it’s based on science. We know that when a woman communicates in that way, her oxytocin levels will increase making her feel far more relaxed and connected to him. Her cortisol levels will decrease. When a guy shuts up, goes fishing, go through his shed, do some work, play golf or goes into himself and shuts down, we know that men achieve the same thing. Their testosterone levels will increase and their cortisol levels will decrease. We’re completely opposites. How do you overcome that? Someone has to change there. What we’ve discovered is that when a man can get in the right state to listen, provide that then what he gets out of it is he gets the connection with her. He gets to feel like a man. He gets to feel she gives himself totally to him.
It’s even the same in the bedroom. We’re very different. For a woman to make love, she wants to feel connected first. She wants a conversation first. When she gets that, she wants to make love. What’s different for a guy? They want to do the act because they want to feel connected. We’re opposites.
A man has to make love to feel connected. A lot of women can interpret that, “I just want sex.” No. There’s a physiological, emotional need there to make love to feel connected. We’ve got to understand these differences and then we’ve got to be able to reconcile how do we communicate through these differences and that’s what the code’s about. That’s why we created an event to show people, demonstrate clearly how to do it.
It’s amazing because often women will say, “I want to leave the relationship. I don’t love him anymore. I don’t feel I love him anymore.” Of course, she doesn’t feel that she loves him anymore because in between her and her partner was so much resentment that that loves will not flow through the resentment. Once we deal with that resentment, it’s amazing what sparks again.
Reconnect in that. She is able to feel the emotion that we call love, the experiences and the sensations inside of her that we feel love. I’ve had so my women come to me and go, “Brett, thanks. I know that I love him, but I don’t feel it.”
What you guys are helping people to do is to feel it again. What I picked up on in there and in a lot of what you guys are discussing is almost the missing piece is being aware of how we’re biologically wired. Once we have that awareness, then we can take action on it but without understanding or being aware of the difference between masculinity and femininity. What we need as individuals, then we can never take action on it.
I also get to talk to thousands of people. What’s very common for women is, “I’m sick of dating boys.” Women intuitively know what state they’re in. Most women these days are in their masculine state, pushing, driving, handling, everything, feeling tired and exhausted. Most men are in their feminine state feeling shut down, closed off and nothing I do makes her happy. You have to create a break in that, you have to create a circuit breaker and being able to shift people out of those states into states that are effective in a relationship. When a guy can get into the masculine state, he’s going to be able to create his kingdom, not an empire. I was in my masculine state when I built a $400 million business, which in dollars to give you a perspective on it is worth about $800 million because that was 30 years ago. I created a massive empire using my masculine. The moment I came home, I switched into my feminine because that was my conditioning to do that. That doesn’t work. Jeff Bezos, as you rightly say has experienced that. There’s a reason why she wants to divorce. If he was satisfying all her emotional needs, there’d be no reason she’s going, “I need to be out of here.” It’s clearly not a question of money. I’m sure she’s going to get enough money to last the rest of her life and they don’t have to worry again.We're not taught relationships at school. We carry on from what we know. Click To Tweet
You know what’s interesting too, Brett and Marie, is that when you’re seeing all these and people will shut down in America. I know how it is over in Australia but formerly in my old business, the opioid addiction, the addiction of alcohol and the drugs to numb each other down is horrific and stupid in a sense. It’s not going to help them at the time. It’s going to cause such an effect down the children that people shut down and they wanted to be numb. They either hit the bottle, they’re taking OxyContin over or antidepressants, which to me doesn’t serve us. It’s so stupid. I think by understanding what you guys just said in taking the course or understanding what it is to let go of the ego and to shed that divine. Even after a brain injury, a stroke or whatever traumatic event you’re going through, it can be a loss of a loved one, it could be fighting cancer, it could be whatever it is, people resort to the easiest way solution to find this instant satisfaction. That is what’s killing the Americans or people in the world.
The truth about us, I love to quote Plato and his story of the Allegory of the Cave, which is a very short story about this bunch of cave dwellers. They love their cave. They got their fire in there. They’ve got lovely hand printed paintings all over the wall and it’s fantastic. They don’t want to leave but one day, one guy decides, “I wonder what’s at the end of that tunnel. There was a light down there. I wonder what’s outside.” He goes outside, it’s grass, lakes, beautiful sky and he runs back inside the cave and goes, “It’s amazing out here. You’ve got to come out here and check this out.” They’re all going, “Are you nuts? There are tigers, lions and God-knows what else out there.” He goes, “No, there’s all this beautiful stuff. Come and see.” They start threatening to kill him if he doesn’t shut up because they love their cave and what they know.
Human nature hasn’t changed in 3000 years. Drugs is another way of doing exactly the same thing. It’s like chucking a blanket over your problem, hiding underneath it and hoping that the lion that standing outside is not going to eat you. It’s still going to eat you. It’s just going to have a bit of blanket when it’s doing it. It doesn’t solve the problem. In my journey and Marie’s as well, we investigated spirituality a lot. Most people were brought up in a religion and a lot of what was in that religion didn’t make a lot of sense to me. I went on a journey of reading literally, sitting with yogis, gurus, priests, rabbis, imams and listening to them all, looking for a solution to the ultimate question of what the hell am I doing here? Why am I sitting on this rock hovering around the atomic furnace at 28,000 miles per second? What the hell is it all mean?
At the end of that journey, after reading The Pali Canon, all the stuff that’s been written down about Buddha, the Bible, the Old Testament, the Qur’an, the Bhagavad Gita, the Vedic texts and everything that I could possibly read, I’ve got to say there was a commonality to it at all. That is, forget the doctrine. Forget the dogma. Look out at the world around you, as Lao Tzu that coined the phrase, Yin and Yang and he wrote the Tao Te Ching 8,000 years ago. Everything is Yin and Yang. It’s positive and negative, black and whites. As Sean has been referring, we had that nature inside ourselves. We have the positive in us and we have the negative in us. Many people go through the world trying to numb out the negative instead of looking at the negative in ourselves, recognizing how that’s going to show up through these patterns, through this conditioning. How it controls our reactions to things that happen to us.
What I find interesting, when we start to realize that we’ve seen that dynamic in our own life as you start to take control of your reactions and it’s not magic, it’s literally science. As you start to take control of your reactions, you literally draw different events and different people to you. It’s how we ended up coming to America, making ourselves different and then opening up to the events that happen around us. Seeing the connections that invariably lead us to places when we’re open to those connections. If I’m so shut down, so numbed off, I’ll never going to see those opportunities that invariably show up. We’re creating a movement in the US, as we’ve created one here in Australia. When we talk about it, it makes sense to people and it gets the results that people are looking for. You don’t need the drugs anymore to get over the pain that inevitably you’re feeling from the events that are happening around you. That’s the beauty of it and it works great as Sean keeps telling everybody, which is wonderful.
You’ve read a lot of these wonderful texts, but have you ever heard of Michael Singer?
He’s written two books that I know of, The Surrender Experiment and The Untethered Soul. What you said there resonates very close with what he believes and what he’s written, especially in The Surrender Experiment, which is accepting the flow of the events of your life and not judging them as, “This is the worst thing that ever happened to me or this is the best thing that ever happened to me.” Sitting back and going, “This is happening. What can I do with this opportunity? How can I work with it versus work against it?” In my interpretation of the Tao Te Ching, you go with the flow and you try and ride the middle wave.
I think it’s a combination of what Eckhart Tolle wrote in The Power of Now which truly came out of one, his own experience, but two, going on that path of reading the text, applying them to a more modern setting and understanding. Accepting the “now” as Sean’s been talking about and, “This is what it is,” instead of resisting it. “I’ve had this injury, now I have to deal with this injury. I have to live with this injury,” I can resist it as much as I like. As I shared with Sean, I had a friend who had a motorbike injury and he became a paraplegic. Unfortunately, he decided to take his life as a solution to that problem. There are many other solutions there but given his frame and given the way that he resisted what was, that to him seemed the only solution that was available to him. It also goes further than that. I find that that force, God, the divine, the universe, whatever you call that force that makes things in this universe expand, grow and become more. Clearly in any tree or plant or organism, there is that force that creates that.
Equally, there’s an opposite force that is doing exactly the opposite of that. It is destroying everything that is trying to grow. We get to choose, “Am I going to align myself with the force of destruction,” which we call the ego or, “Am I going to align myself with the force of growth and becoming more,” which we call the divine. What I find in life is that the divine is always leaving clues for us. I wrote a book called Awaken, which is the summary of all my investigations into spirituality awareness and what the hell we’re doing here. I completed the book. I felt I should watch the movie The Matrix again. I watched the movie, I’m sitting there at the end and thinking, “I didn’t get anything from that. Why did I watch that again?” I have this little inkling, “I wonder what the character who plays Trinity, Carrie Anne Moss, I wonder what she’s doing these days. I haven’t seen much of her. I’ve seen Keanu Reeves and a lot of stuff since.” I looked up online and she had just started this online blog called Annapurna Living, they were looking for a contributions.
I took the first chapter, in fact the introductory portion of the book, turned it into an article, send it in and they published it. Then she writes an article about the Divine Masculine and she writes a list of all these guys that she admires including Keanu Reeves, Laurence Fishburne, Gandhi, her personal Yogi and she puts Brett Jones. I saw the article, “She must know another guy called Brett Jones,” but I clicked on the link and it was me. I was, “I wonder why she did that.” I wrote to her and said, “Here’s a copy of my book.” She endorsed the book. That led me to begin to think about Los Angeles, coming over there, promoting the book and then I did. That led me to meeting various people that led me to holding events that led me to meeting someone that wanted to take the event to Orlando. It went on from that one moment, that one recognition of a divine moment of inspiration or insight. I find in my own life that I lead my life and so does Marie by looking for those divine moments of insight, as to where we can best show up to serve that force, God, Universe, Divine, whatever you wish to call it. That’s how we live our lives.
Our guest, Michael Crossland put this either in his podcast or when we spoke to him in person. He says that people are either victims or navigators. He promotes, become a navigator, you can be a victim of your circumstances or you can become a navigator.
I love that advice. What we have to separate is strategy. It’s an awesome strategy. The problem is that for most people, they can’t do the 80%, which is the implementation of that strategy. If you’re a victim, you have been conditioned by events to react to the world as a victim. It literally isn’t their fault. They want to change. I’ve seen so many people want to change but they’re unable to until we can show them the methods of breaking that pattern and showing up in a different way. I know Sean’s experienced that and I know it’s been very powerful for him. Not to say that Sean was a victim.
I was the king of victim. Let’s just call a spade of spade, Brett and Marie. I was the king of playing the victim. I have a line that says, “It’s not about why me, it’s about what’s next.” I wasn’t buying into my own speech because deep down inside, I didn’t feel good enough. I didn’t feel loved and now, add on the stroke, I’m paralyzed and you snapped me out of it in the course of a weekend, which would have taken me down such a dark road. It would have caused such a cause and effect on my children. Now, I’m so much this that I’m promoting you and promoting myself by being an example. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart. Give us the website of your course and let’s talk about the website of your book and how to buy, so people know how to find you.
They can find us at www.RelationshipWarrior.org. When they go to that site, then they’ll get full access. We run a 21-day challenge online via our Facebook group and we do that every two months. It runs over 21 days. It’s completely free but over the 21 days gives them the insight into all the principles that we’re talking about. They can also get access to our podcast, which was Relationship Warrior Code on iTunes. Those two resources plus our YouTube channel. All those free resources are totally available there. If they’re interested in any courses, they are also available by that website.
We’ll be in LA this 3rd of May and we’ll be in Orlando on the 10th of May.
If you’re looking to transform your life, check out these wonderful human beings because I’ve seen their work firsthand and it’s incredible.
Thank you for making the time available to be with us.
What’s your inspiration?
My inspiration is to change the world through creating awesome, wonderful marriages that become the inspiration for other people. One of the interesting questions that I often ask is, “What do you want more? Do you want love more or do you want inner peace?” Consistently around the world, it doesn’t matter where I ask that questions, people say they want inner peace more than love. We’ve done a lot of work inside the events to give people that sense of inner a peace first, which then enables them to be in the place to demonstrate the love that we all actually seek and want to be. If we can do that as a couple, we can show that to others and that inspires me.
What inspires me is when I see kids that their parents going through divorce and often what we’ll say is, “They’re fine. They’ve adjusted.” It breaks my heart because it does have an effect on kids. That motivates me to work hard with couples because I don’t want that for their children. We’ll work our butt off with a couple because it does have a lasting effect on kids. Especially when you know the couple, it’s lack of skills most of the time.
We want to leave a legacy behind that makes the world a better place and this is how we’re going to do it.
I love you guys. I do and I love all this and if anybody’s out there who follows me, follows Taylor or follows the podcast, jump on this 21-day challenge. I’ll post it on Facebook, our Twitter and the Instagram. Join us because why not? It’s a free course to change yourself. If you want to walk, you can walk again with these people, I promise you.
If you’ve got an injury or something like that, it’s definitely going to help you view that in a different way, react to it in a different way and be able to move past the limitation on it.
Get that energy moving in the body.
Marie, thank you. I love you guys. Big virtual hugs over and you’ll meet Taylor.
We can’t wait to see you again in May.
Looking forward to meeting you, Taylor, too.
I’m looking forward to meeting you. I love you guys already.
Thanks guys. We appreciate it.
Thanks so much.
I’ll talk to you soon and thanks so much for everything.
- Relationship Warrior Code
- Landmark Education Forum
- iTunes – Adventures In Health
- Adventures in Health – Facebook page
- Marc and Michelle Landau – Previous episode
- Brett and Marie Jones
- Transactional Analysis
- Allegory of the Cave
- Tao Te Ching
- The Surrender Experiment
- The Untethered Soul
- The Power of Now
- Annapurna Living
- Michael Crossland – Previous episode
- Facebook – Relationship Warriors
- Relationship Warrior Code
- YouTube channel
About Brett and Marie Jones
Brett and Marie Jones are dedicated to creating amazing marriages and reducing the number of divorces that are happening in the world. They co-lead a life-changing course called the Relationship Warrior Code where they share their decades of experience to teach others how to create powerful lasting relationships.